As I begin packing my suitcase, I feel a sense of contentment wash over me. Over the past 4 days my oldest and dearest friend ‘Pooh Bear’ (not the actual Winnie the Pooh Bear obviously – I’m long past my imaginary friend phase, maybe that’s a story for another day. If I’m honest I don’t recall how or why we started calling each other Pooh Bear, neither of us are obsessed with honey or are red t-shirt wearing yellow furry bears living in a tree, it’s just what we’ve called each other for over 20 years it’s just the way it is), has taken such wonderful care of me, preparing delicious and healthy homemade meals, keeping me hydrated with freshly brewed coffee in the mornings, water throughout the day and chilled prosecco and wine in the evenings.
I've spent my days swimming in the pool, soaking up the sun, reading Matthew Perry’s “Friends, lovers and the big terrible thing” that my kids got me for Christmas and cuddling up with the 3 adorable pugs (Pippy, Perry & Pablo). I feel completely relaxed and rejuvenated.
Our evenings have been spent sat on the veranda under the stars with glasses of prosecco in hand discussing everything and nothing, sharing our hopes and dreams, and encouraging each other to pursue them with enthusiasm and determination. My circle may be small but I’m so thankful to have the greatest of cheerleaders within my friendship circle. #slayqueen
It was about 2 months ago when Pooh Bear came to visit me at my home in Bournemouth, she shared the exciting news that she was relocating and as a birthday gift she wanted to buy me and my 2 children a plane ticket to go visit her. Now this was incredibly generous and thoughtful. However, I was hesitant to accept, especially given the high cost of flights during school holidays but more due to my inner critic. I know that true acts of kindness come without strings attached, and it's okay to accept them graciously and without guilt but my limiting beliefs seemed to want to be heard “you don’t get something for nothing, if someone does something nice you’re obligated, that’s a lot of money to spend on you, you’re not worth it”. Why are we our own worst enemy? we’d never say such harsh things to a friend so why do we say such shitty stuff to ourselves. #iamworthy
Eventually after silencing my inner critic I decided to go on the trip by myself. This alleviated my guilt of taking advantage of my friends generous offer as it meant only one plane ticket and out of school holidays so an absolute bargain price but this was instantly replaced by guilt of not taking the kids with me. Eh mum guilt…never feel good enough (that’s a whole big topic we can delve into another time). This has been my first proper holiday (you know one where you go on a plane & have zero responsibilities) in over 15 years. #manifestation #iamenough
Without the daily responsibilities and mental load that come with working full time, parenting of 2 & managing a home, time has been abundant. I’ve had the luxury to calm my mind, eat well and awaken rested (no pressing the snooze button & hiding under the duvet).
Over the past 3 years, I've experienced a perfect storm of weight gain factors - the pandemic, perimenopause, and stress of working for and leaving a dickhead of a boss that destroyed my self confidence and sent me into a depressive episode. It's been a tough journey, and one that has tested me to my limits. I've realized that my journey is more than shedding a few pounds. I need to focus on my emotional and spiritual well-being as well. And that's why I want to share my experiences with others going through similar challenges. By being vulnerable and honest about my struggles, I hope that I can offer insight, support, and even some amusement. #lifeafter40 #olddognewtricks
Knowing what I wanted to achieve was the first step, but I didn't know where to begin and felt overwhelmed, this happens quite often (something I put down to the perimenopausal brain fog). Fortunately, Pooh Bear is a complete guru on all things Marketing & Comms and talked me through how to set up my website, how to create a podcast and how to maximize Instagram for promoting my brand. Most importantly, she reminded me of the importance of taking small actions every day and being consistent. #gottostartsomewhere
Standing in nothing but my bra and knickers, hair scraped back & makeup free I find myself instinctively sucking in my stomach and trying to hide my "mum apron" as best I can whilst declaring “I’m ready for my close up” but then I realize that these photos are to show my starting point, the place I am beginning my journey from. So, I let it all hang out. It's a vulnerable moment, gosh I really hope there is no one in at the villa next to us.
These photos are not for sharing at this time, my intention is to use them to encourage me to take action by making healthy food choices, being more active and taking care of myself so in time when there are visible results I can share the before and after to show the physical transformation.
Now it's time for me to return home, back to reality, and while I’m excited to see the kids and implement the changes I know need to happen I can't help feeling a twinge of sadness at the thought of leaving this idyllic oasis behind, it has truly fed my soul. Still, I’m so grateful for the time I spent here, and will carry the memories and the positive energy as I return back home.